The Wednesday Rant

February 8, 2017 | Posted in:General

I have been waiting for the right time and place to use the image of “The Odd Couple.”

I took this picture at O’Hare while waiting for my flight to Seattle on November 7th, 2016 one day before the election that would determine the next leader of the free world that took place on Tuesday November 8th.

93 days ago…today.

Time flies when you’re having fun…or not.

So why did I pull this picture off my hand held electronic umbilical cord device for The Wednesday Rant?

Well, first I wanted to know if The Donald and The Hillary were actually in the same place at the same time or was it a photoshop job?

My sources revealed that they both did the shoot at the same time. Proof that two different species can in fact occupy the same space.

Kinda nice to see them smiling, right?

If I hadn’t been witness to the carnage, bloviating, pontificating and name calling reminiscent of a 6th grade popularity contest for eighteen months, I could almost envision them as owners of a real estate company or perhaps old chums at a high school reunion.

But of course, it’s the message that really caught my eye.


Those words carry much inflection and reflection at the same time. For a country weary of the political tug-of-war “THE END IS NEAR” might be a harbinger of a peace of sorts, where we could finally put down the hammer and nails we pounded each other with and take a breath that in just hours all would be well again.

Or…maybe not.

Perhaps it was meant as a nod to the voters of both candidates that whichever of the two claimed victory, the opposite side would see the incoming POTUS as a figurehead horrible change or ongoing incompetence, as we strain almost everything through our political brain drain and identify as an elephant or donkey instead of a human being.

Don’t need a degree in human behavior to figure that one out.

However, most interesting to me is the date of the issue which is November 14th, 2016…seven days after the election date of November 8th.

I know that magazines have to “go to press” and “hit the news stands” at a certain date and all that but that fact that TIME put “The Odd Couple” on the cover, full well knowing it would be out after the election peaked my thought processes…and I have been marinating on it for the past 93 days.

That is a heaping helping of head space occupied for a long time…and here is what came to mind (thus creating a nice clear cache’.)

If we look at everything up close under a “microscope” it’s so easy to lose perspective, which is essential to retaining a sense of balance that can be attained from seeing the world through a “telescope.”

The eye strain and brain drain that comes with looking into everything close up is enough to piss off the Good Humor Man.

Every single move gets put in between the glass slides, pressed flat and viewed and magnified hundreds of times until clarity is long gone and everything looks like mitochondria instead of the entire cell.

We become so focused on one piece of the puzzle, that we cannot see the whole picture anymore.

Whereas (love that word) a microscope looks from the inside out, a telescope of course is able to look from the outside…inward. To take the whole of things into consideration and slowly bring into focus that which needs to be explored from a great distance and see other parts of the puzzle that a microscope cannot.

93 days have given me the chance to pull back the microscope and replace it with a telescope.

My gray matter is grateful. My jaw muscles no longer clench and as Hedy Lamarr said in “Blazing Saddles”-

“…Please rest your sphincters.”

We’ll get through this…for better or for worse, like it (or each other) or not and as Winston Churchill exclaimed “More brandy!” I mean…

“This too shall pass.”

Consider… The American Revolution, The Uncivil War, assassinations of Lincoln & Kennedy, The Manhattan Project and Iwo Jima, Vietnam, Disco Music, Nixon, Pet Rocks, K-Cars, Wilbur Mills, The Keating Five, Watergate, Hanging Chads, Joe “Liar!” Wilson, the 1969 Cubs, “Bradgelina” “Weinergate” Tammy Faye, Glenda Ray, Morris Day and James Earl Ray & Valentine Janicki along with (dishonorable mention) Bin Laden, Hitler, Rodan, Weird Haircut Guy in North Korea, Richard Speck, Marlene Dreck, Harry Beck and throw Morton Downey Jr. in for good measure.

Point is…the world has always been on the brink of something since two Neanderthals’ fought over who got the to keep the woolly mammoth leftovers.

While I admit I am amazed at the number of people I have connected with that claimed to have “suffered” the past eight years (by First World definition)  because of who sat in the Oval Orifice (they all have jobs and houses and cars and went to ball games, and watched re-runs and had sex and BBQ and vacation and took college courses and buried loved ones and became parents and grandparents and moved into new homes and took a hot shower in that time) their “suffering” has ended…and for that I am glad.

For those who are girding their loins for the next 1,441 days please continue to go to work and enjoy your houses and cars and go to ball games, and watch re-runs and have sex and BBQ and vacation and take college courses and you might bury loved ones or become parents or grandparents or move into a new home and please…take a hot shower in that time.

And also…if you are moved to send cards and letters to the White House, do it.

If you feel the need to protest, go for it.

If you cannot help but dig incessantly on the internet for every scrap of evidence to support your position and inundate your family and friends, feel free to do so.

But please keep this in mind.

“THE END IS NEAR” alright but it has more to do with people than politics.

In the 30 minutes, it’s taken me to empty my brain cavity of these thoughts, 3,158 people checked out, kicked off, bit the big one, kicked the bucket, bought the farm, ceased to exist, cashed in their chips, became extinct, and clocked out.

Be vigilant, be involved, be loud and be proud, pound yourself and others into submission as you see fit.

Just make sure you don’t forget to be alive…and one last thing.

Wouldn’t be interesting if the “loser” of a presidential election automatically became the vice-president?

Be well.


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