The Wednesday Rant.

March 15, 2017 | Posted in General

I just ate leftover chicken from two nights ago.

It was breaded in the grand tradition of “ Shake & Bake” from those glorious days of yore (when plastic was considered a condiment) but this one was a box deal with a side dish.

Pretty tasty, even a couple days later.

Full disclosure, I also ingested a couple of hard boiled eggs for breakfast. So, I guess you could say that in the last 48 hours, I made a dent in the chicken population. According to NPR (not sure why they would know…but ok) the average American ingests 185 pounds of chicken per year.

That is a lot of bird.

But this rant isn’t about eating chickens but rather putting sweaters on them, something I had no concept of until this morning. I don’t see a chicken and think…”Hey, that bird looks cold, lemme knit a sweater for it.”

I see a chicken and think…gravy.

But it turns out that a grand gaggle of ladies at the Fuller Retirement Home in New England had taken to knitting various items and selling them at a local fair, when Erica Max of the Mary M. B. Wakefield Charitable Trust noticed their stitching prowess and approached the gals about knitting “chicken jumpers” for the Malaysian birds struggling with the New England winter at the Wakefield Estate.

Wait…what? “Chicken Jumpers?” That sounds like a country rock band I saw once in Tallahassee.

But it turns out the project has proved useful in keeping the chickens nice and warm, as well as giving the seniors a fun way to pass the time.

I guess everyone wins in that one…for now the chickens are safe and toasty…until they get toasted later.

But this week’s offering isn’t really about chickens or nice old gals knitting or why even a chicken would need a sweater.

It’s about what makes something “news worthy.”

Over on MSNBC or CNN or Fox or CNN (oops) you don’t see this kind of story. There it’s about “The Lead” or “The Situation Room” or “The Five” or “The Last Word” or “The Continued Recycling of the Same Shit That Happened Yesterday Until We Are Forced into Submission by Drug Commercials.” 

I don’t watch the news. Because there isn’t anything new to watch.

Doesn’t mean I don’t care what is going on…I just care more about my mental well-being than Brian Williams “New Late Night Slot” or Wolf Blitzer repeating the same questions from different angles or Bill O’Reilly bent on making me forget that he got his start on “Inside Edition” and makes sure all his best-sellers are about “killing” someone (Killing Jesus…Killing Patton. Killing Lincoln…Killing Kennedy.)

So, my “landing page” for the past couple of years, upon firing up my trusty dusty Dell is called…”The Good News Network.”

Today I learned that a tortoise saved a bunny’s life and now they are best friends (Tortoise and the Hare….see the irony here?) A McDonalds drive-through worker jumped through the window to save a off duty cop and her kids after she blacked out waiting for her order (I’ve had that happen.) As Trump prepares to chop apart Obama-era fuel standards, China is replacing 70,000 gas guzzling taxis with electric cars, a woman helped a homeless man she drove by on the same corner for three years get a job and a young woman with Downs Syndrome lived her dream of doing a weather forecast on national television.

All of these “headlines” are more like “lifelines” because they are life affirming, don’t have anything to do with politics, unless you consider the chickens wearing sweaters to be a statement of sorts. Perhaps a lobby group of poultry that is hoping to remove the tarnish of Herbert Hoover’s “ a chicken in every pot” promise from 1928 to “ A jumper for every hen.” 

But all that aside, it’s important to remember that not everything that begs our attention should get it. Our central nervous system has enough problems trying to decide what is or is not real…that is why millions of people watch “Celebrity Apprentice” and think hosting a reality show qualifies someone for being president.

But I digress.

So, in conclusion, just reminder that a balanced diet isn’t just about what you consume with a fork. No news is…good news. Unless you just start with good news and work up from there.

GIGO…remember?

Be well.

JSA

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